


Nekoma Volleyball Club Rules

by volleyball_crow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, alright, alright?, also vague mentions of KageHina, and if someone did Kuroo must never know, but crack that sounds kinda reasonable, either way Kageyama will never live it down, it is never specified if they're just kidding or if it was for real, nobody actually set fire to anything after all, of sorts, this could be called almost-canon-fic, this is basically crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 08:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3563489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volleyball_crow/pseuds/volleyball_crow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day someone brought a big whiteboard to the gym and wrote the first 3 rules. It escalated from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nekoma Volleyball Club Rules

(scribbled on a huge whiteboard next to the door in the gym, in no particular order, and complete with annotations in different handwritings)

## #1: If you’re not 15 minutes early to warm-up, you’re late

t _h_ is _i_ s o _p_ pr _es_ si _o_ n! t _o_ ta _l_ o _p_ p _re_ ss _i_ o _n_!  
 **I see you learned a new word in class today, Yamamoto**  
w _i_ th _a_ ll d _u_ e r _e_ sp _e_ ct, C _a_ p _ta_ in, f _u_ ck o _f_ f

## #2: First people to arrive set up the net and go get the balls

what a pain  
 **you’re excused, Kenma**  
really?  
 **hahaha, no** _  
_what a pain

## #3: Respect your senpai

~~_Yaku-senpai wrote this one didn’t he_~~ _SHUT UP LEV_

## #4: Captain is the boss.

u n l e s s   B o k u t o   f r o m   F u k u r o d a n i   i s   a n y w h e r e    i n   t h e   v i c i n i  t y.   T h e  n    Y a k u   i s   t h e    b o s s   
**ouch. That hurts, Kai, right here** ♥  
 _Kai-senpai, you’re the vice-captain, please don’t make jokes like that. You’re going to make Yaku-senpai cry_  
 _LEV I’M GOING TO KILL YOU_

## #5: No videogames during practice

_NO **.** VIDEOGAMES **.** DURING **.** PRACTICE_ **.**  
it was just the one time  
 **lol Kenma what a huge lie**  
it isn’t  
 **I just saw you hide your PSP in that bag under the bench**  
prove it  
 _KUROO YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE CAPTAIN WHY ARE YOU ENABLING HIM  
_ **lol prove it** __  


## #6: ~~No jumping onto teammates without previous warning~~ No jumping onto people AT ALL, for fuck’s sake

**why would you even jump on a guy’s back and hold onto his neck** _  
I_ s _w_ e _a_ r _I_ t _h_ o _u_ g _h_ t L _e_ v w _a_ s l _oo_ ki _n_ g  
 _Yamamoto-senpai, you were behind me!_  
s _o_?

## #7: No pranks involving smelly stuff in the gym OR THE CLUBROOM, NOT THE CLUBROOM, NEVER IN THE CLUBROOM

_or hair dye_  
or my PSP  
o r    l a x a t i v e s  
o _r_ f _i_ r _e_  
 **…do I want to know?**  
p _r_ o _b_ a _b_ ly n _o_ t  
 _ **this is why we can’t have nice things**_  
s _h_ u _t_ _u_ p, In _u_ o _k_ a

## #8: NO PRANK WARS

that’s probably for the best

## #9: No consorting with the enemy

I’ m   l o o k i n g   a t   y o u,   K u r o o  
 **I’m sure I don’t know what you mean**  
h u h    u  h   
_M_ y l _o_ ve f _o_ r Kar _a_ s _u_ n _o_ ’s m _a_ n _a_ ge _r_ g _o_ d _d_ e _s_ s w _i_ l _l_ n _o_ t be q _u_ e _l_ le _d_!  
 **It’s one of those word-of-the-day calender thingies, isn’t it**  
♥ ♥ ♥ K _I_ Y _O_ K _O_ -S _A_ A _A_ A _A_ A _N ♥ ♥ ♥  
_ **ah, he’s ignoring me**

## #10: No cats during practice, _Lev_

_but what if it’s raining? and cold outside?_   
_w e     b r i n g   t h e m   t o   c o a c h   a n d    m a k e    p u p p y   e y e s_   
_you have the best ideas, Shibayama_

##  ~~#11: Yaku’s height complex must never be mentioned~~

_I’M GOING TO FIND OUT WHO WROTE THIS AND THEY’RE NOT GOING TO LIKE IT WHEN I DO_

## #11: No fangirls during practice/practice matches. No matter where they’re from. Or who they’re here for

~I CAN’T HELP IT IF I’M IRRESISTIBLE~~ ✧ ⸜(>౪ര́)و ♡*‧˚✧  
 _Oikawa-san, teach me your jump serve!!_  
NO.

## #12: No drawing immature stuff on the volleyballs. No, those are not considered “school-identifying marks”. 

_**I thought Coach was going to strangle someone when the Fukurodani vice-captain came up to him with our ball**_  
 _I didn’t know people could turn that red_  
 **Bokuto stopped breathing for like 3 minutes. I seriously thought he was going to die**  
Bokuto-san would never dare to die during a match. Akaashi-san would kill him.

## #13: ~~LEV IS THE ACE~~

Lev is _not_ the ace  
 **Nope**  
Y _o_ u’ _r_ e a m _i_ l _l_ i _o_ n y _e_ a _r_ s t _o_ o e _a_ r _l_ y, f _i_ r _s_ t-y _e_ a _r_  
 _I will definitely become the ace!!!  
w e l l,   h e   d i d   m a n a g e   a n   a w e s o m e   r e c e i v e   d u r i n g   p r a c t i c e   y e s t e r d a y_  
 _ **yes. with his face.**_  
i t   w a s   s t i l l   a w e s o m e   
_zip it Inuoka!!_

## #13: If you have a girlfriend, keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear that

**Yamamoto, your jealousy monster is showing**  
I _A_ M **N _O_ T** J _E_ A _L_ O _U_ S

## #14: No passionate love declarations to your teammates during matches

**IT WASN’T A LOVE CONFESSION!!!**  
I   w a s   r e a l l y   m o v e d,   K a g e y a m a.   S o   r o m a n t i c.  
 _I_ t _h_ i _n_ k _I_ c _r_ i _e_ d _a_ l _i_ t _t_ l _e_. R _y_ u _u_ , t _o_ o.  
 **I never thought I’d see an actual proposal on the court. so manly.** _  
it was very very romantic!!!_  
 _ **it was amazing!!**_  
Shouyou really liked it. I was very happy for him  
 **IT WASN’T A LOVE DECLARATION OKAY**  
 _[Kageyama, does that mean you don’t love me anymore?]_  
 **HINATA YOU IDIOT I’M GONNA KILL Y**  
(three lines of “lol”s)

## #15: No murdering your teammates. Unless you’re from another team, then please feel free to do so. Just try not to get too much blood on the floor

_PLEASE DON’T ENCOURAGE THEM, KUROO-SENPAI_   
**what?**

## #16: No calling your Captain “rooster head”, “tall weirdo” or “that bastard”.

**w h a t   a b o u t   a n   a f f e c t i o n a t e   “s e x y   b a s t a r d”?**  
 **I knew I loved you for a reason, Bokuto-chan**  
why do people from other teams keep writing on our whiteboard  
 **y o u’r e   j u s t   j e a l o u s   o f   o u r    b r o - l o v e**

## #17: No leaving wet pieces of clothing forgotten in empty lockers where they’ll grow mold and nearly poison us all

**_I swear it wasn’t me!  
_** it had the number 7 on it ** _  
that could be anyone!  
_**

## #18: No stealing snacks. NO STEALING SNACKS. Absolutely _no one_ will eat Shibayama’s food unless they are, of course, Shibayama, in which case it is hoped they are able to fully enjoy their meal in PEACE.

_Shibayama’s scary when he’s angry_   
_THAT’S MY BOY.  
_

## #19: Competition is great, but friendships with other teams are to be treasured. Also, calling it “friendly spying” is very rude.

l o l   K u r o o    w a s   i t   r e a l l y   n e c e s s a r y  t o   w r i t e   d o w n   t h i s   o n e ?

## #20: WE _WILL_ MAKE IT TO NATIONALS.

(five lines of “hell yeah”s and a couple of enthusiastic “BATTLE OF THE TRASH HEAP AT NATIONALS! WOOHOO! GO KARASUNO!”)

## We are the body’s blood — flow smoothly and circulate oxygen so the brain functions normally.

_that’s still really uncool, Captain_   
**shut up, Lev. You wouldn’t recognize coolness if it hit you in the face with a spike. Which I usually do**

**Author's Note:**

> I remember seeing a few things like this, back when I first discovered fandom (around 6 years ago). Somehow they came to mind after I was done with "15 ways to annoy Iwa-chan" but was still felt like writing crack, so that's how this came about.
> 
> Once again, this was written for and posted on Tumblr, and then uploaded here for archiving purposes (hence the weird formatting, that I'm too lazy to fix).


End file.
